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— News and commentary about elsewhere covered by Quincy Quarry News
Quincy Quarry News Editor’s note: Quincy Quarry is reprising the original Quincy Harbinger not-copyrighted text after subjecting it to a light editing by Quarry reporter Sam Clemens and adding some images. At the same time, Quincy Quarry expresses no warranty as to the veracity of the Harbinger’s story line.
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The Quincy Harbinger
The South Shore’s Most Opinionated Source of Semi-Accurate News
LOCAL & MUNICIPAL AFFAIRS
Volume XLVII, No. 214
Quincy Mayor Thomas Koch Abandons $22.5 Million Campus Deal After Learning ‘Nazarene’ Is Not, In Fact, Catholic.
Quincy Harbinger City Hall reporter Chip D. Beef
Deep Quincy dropping a dime
A Columbia Pictures image
City Hall sources off the record say negotiations collapsed moments after one of Quincy Mayor Koch’s coatholders whispered “they’re Protestants, Tom” during a tour of the chapel on the now-closed Eastern Nazarene College campus.
Mayor Thomas Koch abruptly pulled the City of Quincy out of negotiations to acquire the Eastern Nazarene College campus on Thursday, citing what sources close to City Hall described as “a fundamental and deeply personal misunderstanding of American Protestant denominations.”
A typical Quincy City Hall good old boys backroom meeting
A Cassius Marcellus Coolidge image
The deal, which would have transferred ownership of the 27-acre Wollaston campus to City of Quincy’s control for re-purposing, had been in negotiations for several months.
The plan fell apart, insiders have leaked, the moment Mayor Koch was informed during a scheduled walkthrough that the Church of the Nazarene — a Wesleyan-Holiness movement founded in 1908 — has no canonical, historical, or theological connection to the Roman Catholic Church whatsoever.
“He took one long look at the stained glass, another long look at his Maxi Me as well as Chief of Staph Pinocchio Walbacker, and then said ‘get my (city, ed.) ride,'” recounted a city official who requested anonymity as he is not authorized to speak for the mayor, much less describe his facial expressions to journalists.
(Oops … )
A Boston Globe image
“I had assumed ‘Nazarene’ meant something like — you know — the campus was tied to the Daughters of Mary of Nazareth,” said Mayor Thomas Koch in a statement he later asked to be attributed to “a source familiar with his thinking.”
According to multiple accounts, the mayor had reportedly been enthusiastic about the acquisition for weeks, praising the campus’s architecture, its proximity to the Red Line, and what he called its “very (Roman, ed.) Catholic vibes.”
He is further said to have referenced the property in at least three closed-door meetings as “the old Catholic college in Wollaston,” a description that went unchallenged by most of the mayor’s myriad of aides who had likely assumed he had done some research as well as by one aide who knew better but did not feel strongly enough about to bring it up.
Seal of the former college
Image via Wikipedia
Eastern Nazarene College, founded in 1900, is affiliated with the Church of the Nazarene, an evangelical Protestant denomination with roots in the 19th-century holiness movement. As such, neither the college nor the church are affiliated with the Archdiocese of Boston, the Vatican, the Knights of Columbus, or as one staffer felt compelled to clarify in a follow-up email, “the situation with the Jesuits.”
In any event, a formal statement released by the mayor’s office late Friday afternoon shortly before City Hall closed for the weekend confirmed that the city was “reassessing the strategic fit of the acquisition” and exploring “alternative sites that better align with the city’s long-term vision for community development.”
The statement did not mention Catholicism. Neither did the follow-up statement. The third statement, which simply read “We thank Eastern Nazarene for their cooperation,” also did not mention it.
For sale.
An Eastern Nazarene College image
Representatives from Eastern Nazarene College declined to comment on the record, though a spokesperson did note off the record that the institution has been proudly Nazarene “for over a hundred years and which we thought was fairly well-established at this point.”
The campus, which has been listed for sale following the college’s decision to close operations in Quincy, remains on the market.
Conversely, city sources indicate Mayor Koch has expressed renewed interest in redeveloping a former parochial school in West Quincy, pending confirmation that it is, in his words, “the regular kind.”
Quincy Harbinger Editor’s note and disclaimer: this story is satirical fiction and political commentary even though Quincy Mayor Thomas Koch is a real public official. As such, all quotes and events described herein were invented for comedic purposes and thus do not reflect actual statements or conduct.
This alleged mayor is such a joke. His knee-jerk reactions smack of discrimination IMHO. Be that as it may, it is clear that this mayor continues to be the clueless out-of-touch mayor we’ve been saddled with for years. He must he the only person on the planet who doesn’t appreciate differences among religions, not to mention not doing his due diligence on pretty anything.
Gail,
No offense intended, but it’s spelled “joch”
In the holy city of Quincy, the gospel according to the administration is written in campaign contributions and etched in granite.
It is a peculiar theology where the “First” are those with the deepest pockets, and the “Last” are those left waiting for a bus while the Mayor’s taxpayer-funded Tahoe sweeps by, led by a phalanx of police motorcycles.
The cost of this liturgical motorcade—fuel, overtime, and the wear on the public’s dime—is a figure the City Council treats like a divine mystery: something to be accepted on faith rather than audited. While a presiding judge possesses the humility (or perhaps just the basic motor skills) to drive himself to court, the Mayor requires an armed escort to navigate the treacherous path to a funeral.
One must wonder if the siren’s blare is for safety, or simply to ensure that no one misses Koch’s grand entrance into grief.
Then we have the statues. A million dollars spent on 10 foot statues of Michael the Archangel and St. Florian that the mayor wants standing in silent and expensive vigil over Father Bill’s. It is a masterclass in irony: saints cast in a million-dollar glow, staring down at the homeless who could have been clothed, housed, and counseled with that very same coin.
The Roman Catholic Church has survived centuries of upheaval, but it has never claimed that a statue offers more protection than a roof or a warm meal.
Per the mayor’s version of the Beatitudes, “Blessed are the connected,” for they shall receive the police escort.
Mildred Murphy, on the other hand, lacking a seat at the donor’s table, must find her own way to the pearly gates.
It seems the city’s moral compass has been replaced by a GPS that only leads to photo ops. Jesus might have flipped the tables of the money changers in the temple, but in Quincy, we just give them a badge and a motorcycle escort to the cemetery.
Should the City Council demand an itemized bill for these “personal escort services?” YES! Mother Teresa would cry if she saw a community spending a million dollars on statues while the homeless cross the same intersection in search of shelter. These are not Catholic, Christian or Judaic values we are teaching our children.
Superb evaluation of the mayor’s uninhibited spending of our tax $$$. The Father Bill’s allegory is brilliant!
Martin,
Trust me when I say that the connected in Quincy and elsewhere are looking at extended time in Perdition before they might pass through the Pearly Gates.
One final grift for the Sheets clan. You may recall that Jim Sheets came to Quincy to go to Nazarene ands decided to stay. He became a City Councilor, State Rep. and finally, Mayor.
He hired Tommy Koch as his executive secretary and the rest is history. Unsolved break ins at City Hall, financial abuse of all types, insider deals to and for Quincy employees in exchange for votes.
Tommy never took to Sheets’ passion for education, however. Instead, Tommy learned the game of deceit. He surrounded himself with Fast Danny Flynn, Steak Tips Clasby, and other felons. His insiders’ employment game required only one thing: LOYALTY to KOCH. If you did not drink the blue juice, you were done.
Quin,
Personally, I’ve always chuckled over how Tommy flopped as Shitz’s Executive Secretary and was thus moved to head Park and Rec, only to continue to founder.
His ending up the mayor, however, is no laughing matter.