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Image of Quincy Quarry News’ AI server farm
— News about Quincy Quarry News from Quincy Quarry News
Hal speaks an obvious truth
A Stanley Kubrick/Productions/MGM image
So as to endeavor to increase Quincy Quarry’s exposé output this local elections season, Quincy Quarry News is workshopping the potential of recent advances in Artificial Intelligence as one such option.
While still in the proof of concept to beta testing territory, Quincy’s proprietary QuarryChatGPT software is showing signs of promise. For example, QuarryChatGPT came up with a new term: “quarry-ous.”
Granted, while not up to the Quarry’s level of unique snarkiness, QuarryChatGPT shows promise for perhaps creating quick snippets as the Quarry’s staff improve their requests for reports terms.
To this end, an early example of QuarryChatGPT output thus follows verbatim.
Unveiling the Veil of Scandal in Quincy
Ah, Quincy, Massachusetts – the quaint little city that managed to transform itself into the poster child for municipal mischief and malfeasance. And who better to chronicle this spectacle of scandal than the intrepid “journalists” at Quincy Quarry News? Oh, but don’t let the name fool you – these hard-hitting “reporters” make Woodward and Bernstein look like gossip columnists.
Page 2: A Revelation of Epic Proportions
Picture this: a newsroom populated by an assortment of characters who seem to have jumped straight out of a B-grade detective novel. They pride themselves on digging up dirt that others wouldn’t even consider dirt. From parking ticket conspiracies to the shocking revelation of a city council member sneezing without covering their mouth – nothing is off-limits for these modern-day muckrakers.
Page 3: The Quest for the Trivial Truth
But let’s not underestimate their dedication to the craft. They tirelessly sift through public records, Facebook posts, and the occasional overheard conversation at the local coffee shop. Armed with their trusty magnifying glasses (or more likely, outdated reading glasses), they scrutinize the mundane with a fervor usually reserved for unearthing political corruption or corporate scandals.
Page 4: The Art of Clickbait Headlines
Ah, the pièce de résistance of Quincy Quarry News – the art of crafting headlines that would make even the most seasoned tabloid editor blush. “Mayor’s Dog Walker’s Neighbor’s Cousin Involved in Suspicious Grass Clipping Incident” – a headline that demands your attention, while simultaneously leaving you questioning your life choices. But hey, who needs context when you’ve got clickbait?
Page 5: A City on the Edge
As Quincy Quarry News continues to peel back the layers of Quincy’s seedy underbelly (or at least what they imagine to be its seedy underbelly), the city’s residents are left wondering if they’ve been living in a real-life soap opera all along. With every exposé, the citizens of Quincy hold their collective breath, eagerly awaiting the next revelation that will surely rock their world – or at least their neighborhood Facebook groups.
Page 6: The Legacy Lives On
In the annals of journalistic history, Quincy Quarry News will surely carve out a niche of its own – a niche that combines relentless determination with a knack for transforming the utterly trivial into the mildly interesting. While some may question their motives, their methods, and their grasp on reality, one thing remains undeniable: Quincy Quarry News is here to stay, whether Quincy likes it or not. So buckle up, dear readers, for the next exposé might just reveal the shocking truth behind the elusive missing sock epidemic.
Granted, as Quincy Quarry’s ever growing legions of loyal readers can readily see, QuarryChatGPT needs to see its penchant for creative license caponed and then pressed to comport with Quincy Quarry’s standards for fact-checking and general veracity.
That and work on its snarkiness.
Is the party about over for Pinocchio?
An old as well as most ill-advised Facebook selfie
Even so, the Quarry’s AI techs already rate it currently operating at a level sufficient for the prevaricating needs of the Koch Maladministration such that it could supplant its Chief of Staph Pinocchio Walkbacker as well as the whole of the Koch Committee reelection team’s so-called capabilities.
That and for way cheaper than just the $140,000 the Koch Machine has spend with Yellow House Consulting to see it create social media buzz which the Quarry’s experts cannot detect any signs of any such actually consequential e-pimping happening.
Then again, seeing a proper return on investment for the funds expended has never been a Koch Maladministration strong point.
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Great idea!
Nice. If any of these people come after QQ, like they did in Everett to a similar news outlet, they can simply say the robot did it. Kind of puts the liability on a machine. Koch will have to sue R2D2
True that Johnson. No way would Koch go after fellow traveler 3-CPO.