– News about Quincy from Quincy Quarry News.

Quincy Hospital
A file photo

Quincy Medical Center’s closing is actually part of the grandiose master plan for the redevelopment of Quincy Center.

At least such is what Koch Maladministration Spokesmodel Chris “Pinocchio” Walkbacker announced a day after word broke in the media that Quincy Medical Center was slated to be closed by the end of the year by its vulture fund hedge fund owner Cerberus, Incubus & Succubus LLC.

Quincy’s peerless master planner Mayor Koch latest plan is to develop at the Hospital Hill site of the soon to be former Quincy Medial Center a high rise glass tower one story taller than the actually under construction Millennium Tower at Downtown Crossing in Boston.

Purported dream tenants for the tower – tentatively nicknamed the “MiniMe Tower” by one wag at Pinocchio’s press conference – include as yet unsolicited super premium upscale retailers, a Whole Paycheck Supermarket equivalent, New England’s – if not also the world’s – first six star hotel, a 250 bed drug rehab facility, a 100 bed annex for Father Bill’s, multiple massage parlors, a nail salon on every other floor, and condominiums comparably priced with the asking prices at the Millennium Tower.

Koched-up imperial suite
A Patriot Ledger image

The initial design plan for  “MiniMe Quincy” was rendered as dictated by to the mayor to his favorite local architect as well as go to pro bono major event speechwriter Edwin Haus AIA on a cocktail napkin during a hastily called lunch meeting in the mayor’s imperial suite.

Unfortunately, Quincy Quarry was unable to discern if the catering for this meeting was paid for with Quincy Center Redevelopment debt funding proceeds.

Further, no comment was obtained as to that fact that Hospital Hill is well OUTSIDE of the Quincy Center special bond redevelopment tax district.

As for the mayor’s latest personally directed design plan, it will feature the retention of the old Quincy Hospital as the only potentially attractive feature to Whitwell Street façade of the proposed and otherwise austere, banal and staatlich Baushaus-style glass tower.

Pinocchio further announced that the not only is the tentatively named MiniMe Tower a story taller than Millennium Tower, its top floor will be higher in elevation from sea level than both any building in Metro Boston as well as the summit of Blue Hill given that tower’s siting on top of Hospital Hill (and thus similar to the enhanced elevation within many of the mayor’s shoes, ed.).

When it was pointed out during the press conference that the top of Blue Hill has a two story building on top of it and would thus appear to still have the highest elevation building in the region as well as that the mayor is still short no matter what shoes he wears, Pinocchio had no comment to offer in response as well as then instead announced the press conference as concluded.

As for funding the project, fortunately, the otherwise standard detail thin but oh so colorful PowerPoint presentation piece handed out before the start of the press conference noted that the mayor would be seeking by no later than the end of the month the standard subservient approval from the invariably enabling City Council for a billion dollar bond offering to finance this latest grandiose proposed project by the Koch Maladministration.

The PowerPoint also noted in an obscure as well as microscopically small type font footnote that the reason for pursuing self-funded city financing of the project was that it would appear that no major commercial investor recognized any financial potential for this project.

One can further only reasonably assume that the mayor’s view on this latest pending municipal debt offering is given the currently low long term bonds rates that local residents cannot afford to not undertake even more debt to support his spending habits.

Quincy Quarry attempted to secure comments from Hospital Hill QMC abutters on this latest grandiose mayoral plan, but was unable to secure any.  

All of those asked were either instantly rendered catatonic or immediately burst out laughing hysterically.

Quincy Quarry was further unable to secure before its publication deadline comment from the Federal Aviation Administration as to its views about the plans to construct this homage to Quincy’s increasingly inept Mini-Me within the primary landing glide path ground footprint for Logan International Airport.

QQ disclaimer