A recent poll was taken in Quincy to obtain a sense of voters’ sentiments for the impending 2015 mayoral election. In turn, the Koch Administration went to DEFCON 1 alert status after it heard about this poll.
As previously reported by Quincy Quarry, the poll was surely not commissioned by Team Koch as well as that the poll’s findings were undoubtedly not positive for Koch.
Also as usual, “French Kiss” provided to Quincy Quarry from memory – and thus legally unrestricted – a verbatim recap of the following meeting held inside of the Kochbunker Command Center deep underneath what’s left of City Hall.
Attending this meeting were Quincy Mayor Thomas P. Koch; his Chief of Staph; his Consigliere; Spokesmodel Pinocchio Walker; Joey the Puppet Master; and George Raygun, President of Raygun Prevarications and longtime campaign fixer. (see image below, right)
Joey the Puppet Master: So much for catching rats. Quincy Quarry continues to receive complete recaps of our meetings, including those conducted under the Cone of Silence.
Mayor Thomas P. Koch: Why worry, what can Quincy Quarry do to us?
Consigliere: Well, for starters, it broke the news that your plans for Koch Stadium at your alma mater were derailed by MassDEP a full week before the Ledger.
Mayor Thomas P. Koch: What’s a few million dollar cost overrun and a 6 to 12 month delay?
All things considered, this could be one of my less late and over budget projects.
Spokesmodel Pinocchio Walker: True that! I’ll spin up a press release for the Sun ASAP – it will publish anything that I feed it.
Joey the Puppet Master: Several million over on a less than $10 million project isn’t exactly positive news. Not even old City Hall’s renovation after the fire is going to run that much more over budget or as late – at least we’d better hope not.
George Raygun, President of Raygun Prevarications: Back to Quincy Quarry, thanks – again – for making it impossible to hire them, especially after I had already canned my tech geeks with the expectation of bringing Quincy Quarry’s talents over to the Dark Side.
Mayor Koch: George, wasn’t your prepayment for today’s meeting ready for you when you arrived?
George Raygun, President of Raygun Prevarications: Yes – for a change. But were the serial numbers non-sequential?
Mayor Koch: I have to check with Deb and get back to you.
Chief of Staph: Gentlemen, Mr. Raygun’s meter is running and we should thus move onto the reason for this meeting: the recent poll conducted to test the waters for the 2015 mayoral election.
Mayor Koch: True that. We must obtain the poll’s findings.
Consigliere: That and who commissioned it.
George Raygun, President of Raygun Prevarications: The second question first. Gutless had the poll done.
Mayor Koch: How did you find out?
George Raygun: For one thing, it’s pretty obvious that it was Gutless. Mahoney is still working down her debts from her 2011 run again Tommy, Phelan is too busy laughing and Gutless had more money in his campaign account at the end of 2013 than you reported.
That and I read all about it in Quincy Quarry even before I might have figured things out on my own.
Joey the Puppet Master: Damn that Quincy Quarry. We no longer can get away with anything, much less what all we’ve long been used to grifting.
Mayor Koch: Any luck figuring out a way to shut down the Quarry?
Consigliere: Not unless you can eliminate the First Amendment.
Mayor Koch: The what?
Consigliere: Again, the First Amendment of the US Constitution. Also yet again, the Constitution applies in Quincy.
Mayor Koch: Like that has ever stopped me before.
Joey the Puppet Master: Moving along, what were the findings of the poll? After all, I can only do so much on Election Day. Plus, someday someone is going question the anomalies with the Ward 7 votes.
George Raygun: The polls featured 4 prospective candidates in 2015: Gutless, Tommy running for his life for re-election, Mahoney and Phelan.
Mayor Koch: OK, but what were the numbers?
Chief of Staph: Tommy, don’t interrupt. Remember, George’s meter is running.
Raygun: As for the numbers, they aren’t good.
Mayor Koch: If we didn’t do the polls, how do you know if the numbers are any good?
Chief of Staph: Tommy, again, stop interrupting.
Raygun: As for the numbers, no matter who was the prospective opponent in the General Election, Tommy lost. Only how badly varied – although the differences were all but indistinguishable, statistically speaking.
Mayor Koch: Again, if we didn’t commission the poll, how do we know that its numbers are any good?
Staph: Tommy – again, don’t interrupt. George’s meter is running.
Raygun: Not a problem for me. We just started another rounded-up billable hour – you forgot about travel time.
Raygun: As for the numbers, I was personally surprised that Tommy didn’t do worse – a lot worse as a matter of fact.
Spokesmodel Pinocchio Walker: Great, something seemingly perhaps almost positive that I can spin.
Mayor Koch: First things first. Who is the source of the poll data if we didn’t do the poll?
More importantly, how much is it going to cost to “obtain” the poll’s findings?
Raygun: Second question first: actually, for change, not all that much. I have an underpaid & overworked intern monitoring Quincy Quarry and it covered the poll.
As such, for once you got off cheap.
It could have been even cheaper if you had one of your patronage layabouts follow the Quarry.
Koch: Great idea! I’ll have Helen Wheels check to see if there is anyone left on my family and friends list whom I have haven’t yet larded onto the City’s payroll.
Spokesmodel Pinocchio Walker: George, we can’t trust the Quarry. After all, it is after us – BIG TIME.
Raygun: No argument, it is after you all – but let’s face it, you all do make it easy for it to do so.
More importantly, my people have yet to find any problems with what Quincy Quarry has reported.
Even worse, my people haven’t yet figured out a way to spin its data.
Mayor Koch: So, we just have to prevaricate. Not a problem. We’ve been doing that all along because data is Greek to us.
Raygun: Data are.
Mayor Koch: Are what?
Raygun: Data is plural.
Mayor Koch: That’s what I said – data is Greek to us.
Staph: Tommy – again, don’t interrupt George. George, just how bad where the numbers?
Raygun: Per my read of things, worse than anything Joey could fix if the election were held tomorrow – not even 100% of the votes from Mount Wollaston/Ward 7 could turn the trick.
Joey the Puppet Master: Time for me to put in for retirement.
Mayor Koch: Joey, Joey, Joey – no one can ever leave the family. At least not alive.
Joey the Puppet Master: (incoherent muttering).
Pinocchio Walker: So, what do we do?
Raygun: As I said last time, Bhutan.
Mayor Koch: George, how about running our own poll? Maybe things have changed.
Raygun: When is there going to be a better time?
Joey the Puppet Master: (even more incoherent muttering).
Raygun: Plus, how much do you have in your campaign account? More importantly, how much do you have in the slush fund given all of the many audits of your campaign fund by the Office of Campaign & Political Finance?
Mayor Koch: Not a problem. We’re flush with slush.
Staph: Excuse me Tommy, but your rate of spending keeps growing but campaign donations haven’t keep pace with “envelopes” even less so. Everyone is paranoid of all of the new security cameras around City Hall that were installed after the fire.
Raygun: How much has the mordita dropped?
Staph: Off of a cliff.
Raygun: Next meeting, if you want me to attend, I want 10 hours prepaid – IN CASH – on retainer a week BEFORE a meeting time with me in attendance will be merely but considered for my perhaps scheduling.
Staph: I’ll check with Deb as will see what’s left from the envelopes and get back to you.